Embrace a “Loss of Identity” as a New Mom: Finding Yourself Again After Motherhood
Have you ever felt like the moment you became a mom, you disappeared?
I know that feeling deeply. When I first stepped into motherhood, I thought the hardest part would be the sleepless nights, the nursing sessions, the never-ending piles of laundry. And those things are hard, yes. But what I wasn’t prepared for was the quiet ache of not knowing who I was anymore.
Motherhood changes everything. Not just your body, not just your schedule, not just your energy. It changes your identity. Your relationships look different, your hormones swing wildly, your friendships shift, and even the way you move through the world feels… foreign.
And here’s the truth: that loss of identity? It’s real. It’s heavy. And it’s one of the most common struggles for new moms (even if no one likes to talk about it out loud).
But here’s the other truth: losing yourself doesn’t mean you’re gone. You’re still here. You’re still you. Just like the phases of the moon , you may look different, but at your core, you’re the same. You’re simply entering a new season, one that can feel both overwhelming and deeply beautiful.
After over two years of being a mom (now with two little ones) I’ve learned that the “loss” we feel isn’t really a loss. It’s a rebirth. And rebirth is never simple, never neat, never easy. But it is powerful.
So how do you move forward when you feel like you don’t even recognize yourself anymore? How do you anchor into your new identity without losing the essence of who you’ve always been?
Here are 5 ways I’ve learned to embrace this transition — and they may just help you too.
1. Identify what it is you’re feeling. Be specific.
It sounds simple, but most of us don’t actually stop to identify what we’re feeling. We’re just rushing through survival mode: feed baby, rock baby, answer texts, fold laundry, collapse into bed.
But if you pause and ask: What am I actually feeling right now? you’ll start to find clarity.
Maybe you’re anxious because everything feels new. Maybe you’re grieving your old freedom. Maybe you’re just tired (which, let’s be honest, is 90% of postpartum life). Naming it doesn’t make it disappear, but it does help you untangle the mess in your mind.
When I became a mom for the second time, I noticed the grief hit differently. I wasn’t just mourning who I was before kids. I was mourning the “me” I was before two. And that’s okay. Every season of motherhood brings its own grief and its own beauty.
Write it down. Journal without holding back. Awareness is the very first step toward healing.
Journal all of these thoughts and be as detailed as you possible can. Awareness is key.
2.Accept that growth requires change.
One of the hardest parts of motherhood is realizing that you’ll never go back to the “old you.” And that’s not a bad thing. Growth and change are necessary.
Think about it: are you the same person you were in high school? Of course not. Motherhood is just another evolution, another layer being added to your identity. Your body has shifted, your brain has literally rewired itself, your priorities have expanded.
It can feel uncomfortable, like you’re living in a body and mind that don’t quite fit yet. But this is growth. This is what stepping into a fuller version of yourself looks like.
And while it’s hard to accept your reflection some days, remember this: your body created, carried, and birthed life. That’s miraculous. You are miraculous.
3.Remember your foundation is still there.
Even when it feels like everything has changed, the core of you hasn’t. Your values, your quirks, your humor, your passions, those don’t just disappear. They get buried sometimes, yes, under diapers and dishes and tantrums. But they’re still there.
What helped me was asking: What do I want my kids to know about me outside of being their mom? That question lit a fire. It reminded me that while motherhood is a huge part of me, it’s not all of me.
Start showing up as the version of you you want to be even if it feels forced at first. Over time, you’ll start to feel her again. She’s not lost. She’s waiting.
4.Begin each day as a chance to rediscover yourself.
Motherhood can feel monotonous: feedings, naps, snacks, clean-ups, repeat. But if you look closer, every day is a new chance to rediscover who you are in this season.
Practice gratitude for the small things. Notice the way your baby laughs at your silly face. Notice the way your body has grown stronger from carrying them. Notice how your patience expands in ways you never thought possible.
I’ve learned to let my kids teach me who I am, too. They remind me how to play, how to be present, how to slow down. They pull out the parts of me I didn’t even know I needed to heal.
Every day, ask yourself: What did I learn about myself today? The answers may surprise you.
5. Grieve, but don’t stay stuck.
It’s okay to miss your old life. It’s okay to feel sad that things will never be the same. That’s normal. That’s human.
But here’s the thing: if you stay stuck in grief, you’ll miss the beauty of what’s right in front of you.
Your thoughts matter. If you’re constantly reinforcing “I’m lost, I don’t recognize myself, I miss who I used to be,” your brain will keep repeating that story. But if you gently, consistently shift toward gratitude, even in the tiniest ways, your subconscious starts to rewrite the script.
Start small. Remind yourself: I am growing. I am learning. I am exactly where I need to be.
You don’t have to feel amazing every day. But you can choose, little by little, to lean into the woman you’re becoming.
Losing yourself in motherhood feels scary. But you’re not really lost, you’re transforming.
Every version of you has prepared you for this one. And every new phase will keep building on the foundation of who you truly are.
So give yourself grace. Journal. Breathe. Play. Cry. Laugh. Grow.
Motherhood is not about erasing who you were, it’s about expanding who you are.
And mama? You’re doing better than you think.
✨ Slow Living Tip: Print out affirmations, put them on your bathroom mirror, whisper them when you feel like you’ve forgotten yourself. Small, slow practices add up. That’s how you come home to yourself again.
