Embrace a “Loss of Identity” as a New Mom

Have you recently entered the world of Motherhood and feel a loss of identity?

Literally everything changes once you become a mom. Not only do you gain a beautiful baby (or babies) but you have to navigate your relationship with your partner in this new phase of life, you have a new body because it has been forever changed, your hormones are going haywire, your friendships may be strained, etc. etc.

With all these changes, you may feel lost. The feeling of spiraling out of who you’ve always known yourself to be can become equally terrifying and depressing. The conflicting excitement of this new chapter but also guilt-stricken from grieving your past life. So, what do you do about it? How do you keep moving forward?

If you think about it, different identities are kind of like the phases of the moon. The moon may look different every night, but it’s still the same moon we’ve always known.

Just like your new identity: It may look & feel different, but you’re still you. Just a new version of you.

Following are 5 tips for embracing the feeling of losing your identity.

1. Identify what it is you’re feeling. Be specific.

As a new mom, you have the obvious new role of taking care of your mini me. Your life isn’t just about you anymore. You have a whole human to keep alive. It can bring on emotions of anxiousness and excitement while navigating unknown territory. So many conflicting feelings: All. The. Time. If you feel like you are struggling with Postpartum depression and anxiety, then it may be hard to look forward. & that’s ok! Take care of yourself the way you need to, but stay in the present moment. If you’re constantly reliving your life before baby while simultaneously worrying about your baby’s future, the weight on your shoulders is going to feel heavy. You’re going to add so much extra pressure and stress to you with this. Be gentle with yourself as you embrace this new role. Find new things you love about yourself.

Journal all of these thoughts and be as detailed as you possible can. Awareness is key.

2.Realize that growth & change may be necessary.

You may not feel like yourself because you are evolving. It’s okay to change. In fact, I think it’s necessary. You’re probably not the same person you were in middle school because you learned so much between then and now. We learn and we grow. If we always stay the same then that means we’re living too comfortably and not up to our full potential. With becoming a new mom, you need to grow and step into the new role in order to provide for your baby and adapt to new situations. Your body is physically changing, which may make you feel like a different person on its’ own.

On top of physical changes, all your organs (including your brain) change during pregnancy. Your brain is literally going into mom mode. So yes, you are going to change quite a bit and it can be hard to cope with.

Even with knowing your body created a miracle, it’s still sometimes hard to accept how you look and feel now. Just remember, that you are a superwoman.

3.Know that the foundation of who you are is still there.

Even though things are changing, you’re still you. It may sound corny, but it’s true. Your entire life experiences have prepared you for where you are now. Each phase of our life is like a building block. They all build on top of each other creating a strong foundation of our true morals and personality. So, even if you don’t feel like yourself, you know what’s important to you. You can combine what means the most to you with who you want to become in your new phase. Use it as fuel to continue to become the best version of yourself. Recognize who you want to be and start showing up as her. “Faking it til you make it” will start to make you feel more and more like yourself every day.

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4.Begin each day as an opportunity to learn who you are.

Treat every day as a fresh start. Express gratitude for having the opportunity to be alive another day and point out things you’re thankful for. Expanding on always growing, use each day to see yourself in a new light. Work on not being so hard on yourself and focus on new lessons you’ve learned/what yesterday taught you. This concept works for your partner/loved ones as well. Take every new day as a way to relearn who they are. Don’t get too comfortable in your relationships (including the relationship with yourself) and show them love. What can you learn today?

Maybe you learn that you’re a great mother (because you are) and you can still be fun and enjoy activities you liked before. Let your kids bring out your inner child so you can heal & grow with them.

5.Try not to stay stuck in the past.

Grieving your past self is okay, but don’t get stuck on it. If you continue to dwell on the past, you’re just reinforcing those negative thoughts into your subconscious mind. Your thoughts are only 5% conscious, which is why it’s so important to start shifting your mindset into a view of gratitude. Learn to reinforce positive thoughts instead of the negative ones. How do you do this? You just stay repetitive and consistent in love for yourself. Constantly remind yourself how amazing you are, and even if you don’t fully feel like yourself you’re exactly where you’re meant to be. Keep moving forward.

Fearing you lost who you are can be scary, but it doesn’t have to stay that way. The more you practice showing yourself love and expressing gratitude for your life, the quicker you’ll step into this new version of yourself. Embrace it.

Life is pretty amazing if you choose to see it that way.

You are amazing, mama.